15 April 2009

Owing Taxes on Your Three Wishes

Well folks, it's tax day! And you all know what that means, don't you? Long-forgotten St. Patrick's Day Memories! Now settle down, settle down. I know I promised this weeks ago, but if there's one thing I'm not too particular about, it's your happiness. So here we are.

When you think of St. Patrick's Day, what do you think about? Leprechauns? Pots of gold? Random green crap? Drunken Irishmen? Drunken non-Irishmen? Correct responses, all. But the Husband and I decided that the best way of celebrating this holiest of holy inebriation holidays would be to pay to see hopefully mostly-sober Irish folks singing on stage. Celtic Thunder/Man you hope? I'm afraid not, although the Husband did at one time suggest that we might see them in concert, to which I laughed and laughed and laughed. And then I laughed some more. "Wait, I assumed you would like them?" he asked. And then I snorted and laughed again. No, gentle readers, we went to see the better of the two groups, Celtic Woman, who was performing on the 17th in Baltimore (aren't we special here in Maryland?). I was surprised that the Husband had suggested we go several months ago, but he lamented that he'd been too tight with money lately and we never get to go out and do fun stuff like that anymore (darn our little ball-and-chain children) and he knew I really liked them. And later I got it out of him that he thinks they're all hot. Fair enough. So my mother flew in extra early to babysit so we could go and we headed off for Baltimore. After parking, we knew we were walking in the right direction given the flow of white-haired PBS-viewing old fogeys headed for the same location.

After finding our seats inside we were awed by the realization that we were, in fact, the youngest people in the entire audience. Being considerably younger than the Husband, I was the youngest in the crowd BY FAR. I think only a few of the performers themselves approached my age range. I sat there thinking how strange it would be to be a young person, have an amazing talent, go on the road with your talent, and find that the only people it attracted were escapees from the old folk's home. Nice.

I won't bore you with all the details from the show, but suffice it to say it was highly entertaining. As always, Chloë Agnew was amazing, although it took me half the show to realize that she was not wearing a short-sleeved shrug over her sleeveless gown, but rather just had a very noticable farmer tan. Despite this revelation, she still managed to wow me/us all. That chick really can sing something fierce.

I was also pleased that they not only decided to sing the very appropriate "Danny Boy" for us that evening, but that they chose not to torture us by having Méav Ní Mhaolchatha attempt to sing it a cappella. You know, seeing as how she sucks at it. As it turns out, she's no longer with the group anymore anyway, saving us all a great deal of nausea that evening. Instead, the four singers sung it in four-part harmony, also a cappella, and a more beautiful rendition I have never heard. The audience didn't even make a sound after it finished they were so stunned (which then turned to a standing ovation). So good call on dumping the crappy chick! It completely made up for the fact that they failed to do justice to one of my favorite songs, "Shenandoah." But they're Irish so I'll give them a break. YOU GET ONE, CELTIC WOMAN.

But the most unexpectedly entertaining part of the evening was dealt to us by the group's fiddler, Máiréad Nesbitt. She is talented, no doubt. And also quite insane. Now, in an interview she claims that what she does she does not consider "dancing," but rather just really getting into her music. Personally, I'd consider it "flinging her body across the stage in a most awkward and delightful fashion that under any other circumstances would conclude with a fractured pelvis and a trip to the emergency room." The fact that she never once landed on any body part other than her feet was jaw-droppingly awing, and it was exciting to see what she would do next and if she would kill herself trying it or not. Her fiddling and flinging was accompanied by near-constant commentary coming from almost directly behind us by a group of likely not-too sober old people who had no clue they were in a live audience and not at home yelling at their television sets. Every single time that crazy woman leapt onto the stage one of the old women, without fail, would say, "Oh, there she is! There's your girl!" To which the other woman whose girl Nesbitt apparently was, would reply, "Oh my goodness I just LOVE her!" Every time. The Husband and I were polite throughout this annoying habit of theirs (swearing at old people is not a hobby of mine, although I'll do it if necessary), only turning to look at each other every time they did this to simply roll our eyes. The second half of the show they tired of commenting on "her girl" and began critiquing the stage decor. "I just love those curtains! Don't you just love those curtains? What great curtains!" For your enlightenment, their favorite curtains consisted of a cloth loosely draped over a metal rod.

Now, I understand that you old people are senile and don't get out much and blah blah blah, but I do not get dressed up and leave my home to listen to you scream about curtains. I didn't pay wads of cash to listen to you people squak about whose girl you're successfully seeing in front of you, I paid money to watch a crazy woman in Princess Leia garb orgasmicly flail about the stage while I hope she trips and lands on her fiddle! Got it??

With the unpleasantness out of the way, a hearty congratulations to Celtic Woman for a performance well executed. The songs about turn-of-the-century Irish immigrants coming to America, their land of hope, were also very moving and it's always nice to hear at least one group say that they love America (to be fair, things probably would have ended poorly if they'd said otherwise). So good on ya, Irish chicks! Come back again if you can, but not before medicating that poor fiddling woman before she breaks something important.

11 comments:

Heidi said...

Someday I aspire to be an old woman who loudly comments at performances, clearly oblivious to the fact that other people may be in the audience with me, trying to enjoy the show. At that point I'll know my life is complete.

Loralee and the gang... said...

Wow! Your description makes me want to find out if their touring anywhere near my hometown so I can go see them! And I am not a gray-haired old floozy, either! (I maintain my hair's natural color every 3 months or so, thank you very much!)
:~D

Anonymous said...

I love Celtic Woman. Only time I ever watch PBS is when they are part of some fund raiser, but I have a three different albums and listen to them all the time...much to the dismay of my kids. First time I saw them I thought I was in love with Chloe...and then I found out she was something like 16 at the time. What do ya know, turns out I was/am a dirty ol' man. Part of my repentance was ogling the crazy fiddler. I liked your choice of words (orgasmic). Thanks for that visual... guess it's time to repent again.

Kirk

Anonymous said...

Celtic Woman is amazing.

Bonny said...

Oh, how I LOVE Celtic Woman. How awesome that you saw them in concert. I too think the fiddler is amazing--I don't know if the tv performances capture the true extent of her flailing, because I was never afraid for her. Listening to C.W. literally makes me long to go to Ireland. I have Irish heritage, and I just absolutely love love love listening to them. So glad you enjoyed the concert!

elesa said...

Still being out of the loop, I had to search for videos of their fiddler (And by search, I mean, i watched 3). The last one I saw was some tribute made by some crazed fan who sees themselves as some kind of fancy film editor. Which means it was lame and annoying.

I think it is amazing that she can do ANYTHING while spazing out on the stage like that!

Stephanie B said...

Man, I miss you, Abby! That was awesome. I'd been wanting to hear about the concert. I like instead of asking you about it, I just waited until you blogged about it. I'm a great friend...

Jody said...

I'm glad you so thoroughly enjoyed the evening--even after having to venture into my Bermuda Triangle of Baltimore and having to listen to the people gabbing in the background. I think that goes to show just how good the show was! (And I really am amazed they picked Maryland for their St. Patrick's Day performance. How lucky is that!)

Abby said...

I know, right? I know Baltimore has some Irish immigrant heritage, but not like NYC or Boston, you know? I felt immensely proud. Proud that their touring schedule just happened to link up with our part of the country as they worked their way down the East Coast.

Teri Hope Camp said...

I went to Celtic Woman when it came to Salt Lake and dragged my husband along "for his birthday." I made it through 2 and a half songs before I started throwing up into my sweater. That's when I decided it was time to take a pregnancy test. I missed all the fun!

Abby said...

Throwing up into your sweater. I dare say those around you had a worse experience than even I did. I'm glad you caught on though. Congrats again!