07 April 2009

I'm Too Busy Thinking For Title-Making

All right, enough is enough. For all of you folks out there who are finding my blog by googling "how to get away with murder" and particularly to the brainy fellow who googled "how to murder your girlfriend and get away with it," I'd just like to ask you all, just how stupid does one have to be to attempt to try to get away with committing murder in the first place, and THEN lack the brains to figure it out without the assistance of Google as your nearest accomplice? JUST STOP IT. YOU'RE EMBARRASSING YOURSELVES.

I know you're all tired of hearing just how huge I am right now and I truly care about your feelings. That's why I'm going to continue beating this dead horse until I have no friends left. Yesterday I was at the grocery store and got talking to another woman my age who was also waiting for her turn at the deli counter (it should come to no surprise to you all that it was she who struck up the conversation, not me; hormones don't make me social). She asked how old Peanut was and then added, "And I see you're expecting another one as well!" I confirmed this for her but assured her I wasn't that far along. She shared that she was also expecting another baby, but she in turn assured me she wasn't nearly as far along as I was. "You'd be surprised," I told her. She scoffed and asked when I was due. I told her September, and her face froze in a lack of comprehension. Then it shifted to a rather surprised look, but she kept her cool and said, "O...oh. OK." And she forced a smile. I hoped to beat her to the next line of questioning and said, "And now is when most folks would ask me if I'm having twins (no) or assume I'm going to have a huge baby (again, no)." And she sorta smiled and said, "Well, you know, people make comments" and turned away without another word. Do you see now people? DO YOU SEE?? Yes, strange tactful lady, people DO make comments, and I thank you for keeping yours to yourself. Keep it up.

I would like to share two major accomplishments for our little family here over the past week. First off, the Husband and I went on a date while my mother was here and wound up looking for bunk beds to cram our millions of children into. We found a great set for cheap at a going-out-of-business sale and bought it. Last Friday he collected the boxed set and began putting it together. He began later in the afternoon because "it'll take two hours, tops. I mean, this is totally easy." Nine hours and several previously undiscovered swearing combinations later, the bunk beds were as completed as necessary for one child to sleep in them without it killing her in her sleep. Hooray for the Husband and his various tools and terribly useful curse words!

As for my own accomplishment, let me take you back in time to last week. I was famished. Now, this is a recent development as I had previously been puking everything in site on a near-constant basis as I believe I alluded to in my last post. I am on anti-puking medication now so I can eat and keep it down. And it's working! So I was famished. I really, really wanted a Pizza Hut pizza. And so after driving Peawhistle to preschool, Peanut and I stopped in and ordered a medium deep-dish cheese pizza to-go. On the way home I ate the whole thing. Well, I restrained myself and saved the two smallest pieces for PW's dinner, but the whole time I never once thought, "Wow, I'm getting full." No, in fact with each piece I ate my stomach continued to grumble with hunger. No, I'm most certainly NOT pulling your leg. After I ate most of the pizza I had to drink an Orange Crush followed by several glasses of water before the hunger pangs subsided. The frick you say?

I have never been able to consume more than half a medium pizza in my entire life up until last week. Curiosity got the better of me and I decided today to try to duplicate the event to see if it was just a fluke or if I had indeed discovered a newfound superpower. This time I upped the ante and ordered a medium pepperoni pizza to see if that would make a difference. I finished the second-to-last piece before I couldn't eat anymore. Apparently the pepperonis do indeed offset the results of this experiment. Anyhoo, I don't think I'll be replicating it again soon as I'm sure a heart attack is merely biding its time, but pretty amazing, huh? Yeah, I was proud of me, too. Feel free to high-five me the next time you see me.


Bonny said...

Awesome. I have similarly fond memories of a night when I was pregnant with Grayson and I scarfed down a whole footlong sub and then another 6 inch. Not a whole pizza, mind you, but I was amazed at my accomplishment. I can't remember how long it was after that that my doctor suggested that I was gaining weight too quickly. Whatever. (Picture eye roll here).

greta said...

i too had crazy cravings. i scared the crap out of M one night when i awoke in the middle of the night wanted charred flesh. seriously. i had to have charred on the outside, raw on the inside meat as soon as possible. i washed that down with a half gallon of skim milk. so gross now to think about it, but oh so good at the time. good job on the pizza. and smart thinking to not replicate that awesome feat again!
i will so high five you on sunday, you better be ready.

Loralee and the gang... said...

I can eat a whole medium pepperoni pizza now, and I'm not even pregnant! Thus my need to exercise like a fiend and still I manage to put on weight. Imagine that! I also always tell people that I had so many kids because (A) they were half-grown at birth-smallest 8lb1oz, and largest 9lb8oz (2 that size), and (b) so I could guiltlessly eat everything in sight! You go, girl!

Janie said...

You absolutely crack me up

and I would love to look pregnant sooner, I just look fatter and fatter

Ryann said...

I have eaten an entire pizza before. They can be pretty tasty! And FYI, I finished your super crafty gift. Now is the test to see how long it takes me to get to the post office to mail it. And just to warn you, Emilie picked out most of the colors so beware!

Stephanie B said...

Abby, I am so proud of you. I have an uncontrolable appetite when I'm nursing, not pregnant. They say nursing helps to get the pounds off... not so when you eat EVERYTHING in sight. I'm proud of your accomplishment. In college I set a goal to eat a whole box of swiss cake rolls or twinkies - haven't taken the opportunity to try that one yet. Although, I'm pretty sure I could polish it off no problem.

Heidi said...

Hooray for you, Abigailness! I love when the being sick turns into easily eating everything in sight. I had my moments of wanting to eat entire pizzas as well but the thought of having to give myself insulin shots held me back.

elesa said...

"Yes, strange tactful lady, people DO make comments"

that line just cracks me up. I want a t-shirt that says "Strange Tactful Lady" on it. How cool would I be?

And good job on the pizza! I think it is important to celebrate all of our triumphs, with pepperoni or without. Though it is for that very same super power that I no longer buy Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls. It just takes more self restraint than I've got NOT to eat them all. Sigh.

Abby said...

I am duly impressed with all of your stories of eating immense mounds of food, y'all! I truly feel a bond of sisterhood among us now. A big, scary, food-devouring sisterhood.

OK, Loralee, you got me beat. I'm awestruck by your ability to ingest pizza even when pregnancy hormones are not working for you. Perhaps pre-pregnancy I just didn't have my heart in it. I'll try harder next time.

Oh, and when I get famous enough to have a gift shop (never) that t-shirt will be the first one produced. Promise.

Ryann, will it be horribly ugly? Why does Emilie hate me?

Jacob and Mindy T. said...

Yeah, I have definitely been eating more with this pregnancy than I thought possible and by some strange miracle I have just barely put back on the 18 lbs I lost before I got pregnant. I am shocked by this. I ate so much tonight I seriously thought something was wrong! I gotta be careful though cause of the high blood pressure and my gestational diabetes. SUCKY! Takes the fun right out of being pregnant and getting to eat whatever you want and not feel too guilty about it!