27 April 2009

Get Yer Handbaskets Here

Being a terribly Sunday-appropriate topic I mean to post this yesterday, but yesterday wasn't computer-friendly for me. So you're getting it now. The following, by the way, was related by Peawhistle's Sunday School teacher to Peter's mother, Jenny, and to Greta, both of whom told me; I then received personal confirmation by PW's teacher herself this past Sunday.

Last week in Peawhistle's Sunday School class for the 4 and 5-year-old kids they were learning about baptism. Actually, they've been learning about it for quite some time if PW's church art projects have been any indication, but those lessons continued through to last Sunday as well. One of her classmates (who also happens to go to preschool with her) apparently wasn't terribly excited about being baptised when he was older because, like most kids, they think the adult folks in charge of this momentous event are nimrods and are going to drop them in the drink and just let them drown. So this boy told his class that he didn't want to be baptised. And Peawhistle said, "Well, then you'll go to hell."


Let us rank this response using World Olympic Game scoring, shall we?


Accuracy: 10.0


Tactfulness: 0.0


Concern for Her Fellow Man: 2.5


Timing: 10.0


Delivery: 11.15


Overall Score: AWESOME

As both her teacher and Jenny pointed out, they were surprised that PW could come up with such a response. I mean, never mind it's the funniest thing anyone has heard in at least a month's time, her response was actually correct according to our religion. And the most amazing part of this is I didn't teach her that, her father certainly didn't teach her that, and her teacher swears she didn't teach ANY of them that. The only teacher left would be SpongeBob himself, but I honestly don't recall any episodes featuring the link between less baptism = more hell. And believe you me, I've seen every episode ever made as any person who has watched at least a week's worth of Nickelodeon reruns can also claim. Sure, she's heard the word "hell" before (she lives with me if you recall), but to know what it means? And what it'll take to get you there? My goodness, my child is a gospel child prodigy.

Lesson learned: don't screw with Peawhistle. Not only will you get a tongue-lashing, but you'll also likely be told where to go and how to get there. That's my girl.

20 comments:

Jody said...

Maybe Primary should keep PW's name on the list of possible substitutes for teachers! Hilarious!

Ryann said...

That was super funny! Made my day!

Heidi said...

Does she say such things to the extended family? That could be entertaining-- or awkward.

Alyssa said...

LOL!
A girl after my own heart.

Bonny said...

Way to tell it like it is. She's a sharp one, that girl.

greta said...

it still makes me laugh out loud every time i hear that. in fact i refer to it when my kids are driving me crazy. maybe she can rub some of that gospel prodigy onto angela tomorrow....

Holly said...

A chip off the old block, that one. :)

Benteti5 said...

What religion is this? I'm pretty sure we don't believe that, although it is pretty funny to hear from a 4 year old.

Abby said...

Perhaps you've forgotten the purpose of temple work?

Benteti5 said...

There's a big difference between hell and a couple steps up. I'm not saying they'll make it to the big C, but that's a little harsh

Abby said...

OK, put in far less simpler terms, there is no such thing as Hell in our religion, no? The standard Christian idea of Hell does not exist according to what we believe.

However, using the very simplistic ideas and terms of Heaven vs. Hell, i.e. what PW chose to base her remark upon, the statement is accurate in that anything that isn't Heaven is by default Hell. Yes? In order to get to Heaven, we believe you must be baptized in the name of Christ. If you choose to not accept baptism, either by refusing to be baptized in this life or having the work done for you in death and still refusing it, you cannot enter the kingdom of heaven, period. Therefore, the only other option is hell. Any place that is without God in the eternities is not Heaven and thus is Hell because of His absence.

So by operating within the boundries and definitions laid out, she is correct. I never said she was tactful in her comment, I just said she was accurate. And sometimes the truth is harsh and it sucks. But truth is what it is.

Stephanie B said...

My favorite thing about your postings is the subject line or heading. I love it. The story was just as funny the second time.

Benteti5 said...

I wasn't dissing PeaDub. I thought you were all about the grays. Didn't you have a whole post about that or were you a black and white, can't remember. I guess Kingdom of Heaven has different meanings. If it means dwell with God and Jesus, then no, won't make it, if it means, not dwelling with Satan, then yes, you might.

Abby said...

Oh, I do believe in grays. Very few things in this life are black and white, as I said. But baptism seems to be one of those B&W issues that either you are or you aren't, you know? Now, how you honor that covenant can be a gray area that can only be ultimately defined by the Lord himself. But the act itself? It's yes or no. Kinda like you're pregnant or you're not--there's no in between.

Baptism is one of those things that you have to do in order to get into the celetial kingdom (aka, the Kingdom of God/Heaven), no? You could be the swellest person alive, but if you refuse baptism He cannot allow you to live with Him.

Relating Hell to LDS doctrine is not nearly as easy as relating Heaven to the celestial kingdom. Other Christian churches lump a whole lot of people into hell that we would separate into different destinations depending upon your actions here and in the world to come. But even with the very different definition of hell vs. the telestial kingdom, terrestial kingdom, or outer darkness, the fact remains that if you outright refuse baptism you will wind up in "hell." Whether your definition of hell is anything other than the celestial kingdom, or anything other than heaven, or anything that is not with God, etc., the point remains the same. Baptism is one of those checkmarks you absolutely must have--hence why we are so adament about having it done for everyone who ever lived--in order to live in "heaven." There is no gray there. I will admit though, that I've never heard of the definition of heaven being where satan isn't, but that is one way to look at it. Satan won't live in all the LDS versions of "hell," only the worst. And the only reason the other places he is not are still considered hell is because we have removed ourselves from God through our own actions. So typically things are defined as where God is or is not, not the devil.

Benteti5 said...

We live separate from God now and I don't consider this hell. I think people who don't get baptized and only make to telly or terry would definitely consider that heavenly compared to Satan's house.

Abby said...

Well, according to J.S., life here on earth at this moment would be considered hell compared to the lowest kingdom, correct? But it is not officially hell because we haven't been judged yet. We are in a probationary state, not a "final reward" state. And in this probationary time earth is in what is considered a telestial state of being.

As for living accomodations, any kingdom will be considered heavenly compared to where satan and his minions are headed, indeed. However, you can live in the nicest place imaginable and it still be a personal hell for you if for no other reason than regret for what could have been. Our whole purpose here is to return to live with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, not live in a fancy location. So to fall short of that, even if your digs are pretty sweet, will be emotionally painful to the extreme. Hence: hell.

Benteti5 said...

You must be thd kind who gets a 97 on a test and can't enjoy it because you're so pissed off that it wasn't a hundred. I think yes, we are all trying to make it to the top and yes, many of us will fall short, by our own decisions also, but to torment yourself for eternity, no, I don't think so. There is still enjoyment to be had, no? Maybe I'm just way off.

Jacob and Mindy T. said...

LMBO! I seriously don't think I have laughed this hard in MONTHS! I laughed to hard I snorted and tears were streaming down my face. My husband thought I'd completely lost my frickin mind this time. Oh man, your daughter is a GENIUS!

elesa said...

We should use the World Olympic Game scoring for everything people say. If for no other reason that because it is funny. I think I will even start to hold up cards with scores on them like the judges do in the old days.

Abby said...

Thank you everyone for your compliments. I think PW is hilarious myself. Apparently, she is also the class clown of her preschool, making her awesome where ever she finds herself.

Kristi, I was only ever disappointed in a good grade if a stupid mistake made me miss a question I definitely knew the answer for. If I didn't know it, I was satisfied with my score as far as I earned it. And the same goes for the rest of my life. I kick myself for stupid mistakes, but I do try to learn from them. Am I perfect? Hell no. But I do try now and again.

You get what you earn in the eternities. God will certainly not force you to live in a kingdom you're not comfortable with or that you know you didn't earn. You will live for eternity where you're most suited.

If you recall, God HAS asked perfection of us. Unfortunately, none of us can deliver. Does that mean we aren't expected to try? From what I've gathered in my gospel studies, half-assed doesn't cut it in this life. If you are honestly trying, faults and falls and everything, Jesus Christ will make up the rest and you will live with him and Heavenly Father for the rest of eternity. If you didn't try your hardest and were perfectly satisfied with the meager performance you cranked out every day, that isn't going to cut it. Or have you been learning something different in Sunday School lately?

And do you honestly think you'll be totally cool with knowing you could have done better but fell short because you were lazy or stubborn? That you missed out on the greatest of rewards because you didn't feel the need to really give it an effort? I would think that knowledge would really grate on you. It certainly would me.