03 July 2008

Flowers for Abigail

So it would seem I've become an idiot. "What else is new?" some of you are no doubt wondering. Those people are dead to me. For the rest of you, despite what you've read here, I haven't been terribly idiotic for many, many years. Sure, I've had my moments of sheer stupidity. Like that time I took my sister-in-law for a quick jaunt into D.C. by way of the Metro subway system. We bought our fares and I proceeded to lead her running around the entire train station looking for the turn stiles to get in before finally being directed right back to where we had purchased our tickets because the entrance had been directly behind us. Sister-in-law said, "I thought that's what it was." "Then why didn't you say something?!" "I thought you knew what you were doing." "WELL, CLEARLY NOT." Mind you, it had not been my first time to this particular station, either. But those moments were few and far between, relatively.

Lately, it's been nothing but. I constantly forget where I'm going and for what purpose, whether it be on the road, in church, or in my house. I'll walk into the bathroom to use the facilities and walk out without having done so because I forgot I had to. I leave food out because I forget I took it out. I misplace everything, which I had previously been fairly good about not doing as I'm one of those "If you put it in the same place every time you won't lose it" sort of people. I lock my kids in the car at the commissary on a hot day, because even as I watch the locked door shut, it doesn't register that it might be a problem until after the door's already closed. I never have anything intelligent to say to anyone anymore (some would argue that I never did--again, I hate those people) and my humor mojo has all but dissipated. I'm slow on the uptake and I can't sort my thoughts into comprehensible communication.

When I've shared my dismay with friends of becoming suddenly and incorrigibly stupid, they don't even argue with me. Their response to me is similar to an episode of "Family Guy" when Meg (the daughter) comes running into the house, bawling about not being able to get a date to the prom and stating she's going to kill herself because she's "fat and grotesque." Instead of disagreeing with her, Brian (the talking family dog) tries to calm her by saying, "Awwwwwwww. Awwwwwwwww, common. Awwwwwwww." That's pretty much what my friends do. They can all go to hell.

I subscribe to Ken Jennings's blog. No, not because I'm a huge fan of trivia or "Jeopardy!", but because he's painfully funny. He has a feature on his blog every Wednesday called Wordplay Wednesday (not related to The Funny, but interesting just the same). Lately I've just simply given up on those altogether. This past Wednesday (yesterday, right? I need a calendar. Oh, wait, I have three staring me in the face) he had a couple of wordplay questions he came up with. I immediately recognized them as simple (him calling them "easy" doesn't count--everything's "easy" to this genius-jerk) and thought I'd give them a quick stab to raise my self-esteem. It took the better part of an hour just to figure them out. And then I cheated and realized the second one was incorrect. Boo hoo. Again, I say BOO HOO. Pity me, immediately!

I feel like I did back when I was taking a particular migraine medication. Sure, it helped for a while but in the interim it inhibited my thinking, particularly the area of the brain that controls language and speech. I could never think completely clearly and it took considerable time to come upon the words I knew I knew but couldn't somehow get a hold of. However, back then it didn't bother me that much if for no other reason than I knew what was causing the problem and that it was only temporary. Now though, who knows? I could be an imbecile for eternity and I won't even have an outside source as an excuse! Although, really I'm just hoping it's the lack of sleep. When I was nursing Peanut I was getting at least 8-9 hours of sleep a night. Since he's been forced to the bottle, I'm getting 4-6 every night. Given that I'm constantly falling asleep during the day, pretty much anytime I sit and/or stop moving, plus the constant dull headache over the past month and a half, I'll guess that 4-6 is not enough. Gosh, I'm hoping that's it. 'Cause after that, I'm completely out of ideas. No, seriously.


paws said...

I'd have to agree that it's the sleep thing.

I remember when I started Jr. High and my math class made me feel like there was something wrong with my brain. It was very disturbing.

Get more sleep! (Easy for me to say, I know. I don't have any kids.)

Ryann said...

I'm a complete idiot when I'm pregnant...that couldn't be happening by chance to you?

Abby said...

It better not be. But no, it isn't. See? No excuse.

Every math class I've ever been in has made it a point of making me feel inadequate. I don't approve of math classes in general for that very reason.

heidi said...

It may just be me, but my experience is the more kids you have, the more idiotic things you do. I can't blame it on the sleep thing...my youngest is almost 3, I'm getting plenty of sleep and have for awhile, but my brain cells do not seem to be recharging. SCARY! (Of course, I do happen to be pregnant, which could explain it if I'd just started doing stupid things, but alas, that is not the case.)

Ryan said...

Oh, Abby, your are hilarious and such a good writer. I found your blog through a comment you made on Lisa's, and have been thoroughly enjoying your well written prose ever since.
--Bonny (Reckner)

Ryan said...

I just realize I had a typo. I meant "you are hilarious." And in a comment about good writing, sheesh.

Abby said...

Your typos mean we can't be friends anymore. Too bad.

Heidiness, you're pregnant?? Yeehaw!

Janie said...

I claim my full on mom stupidity when it comes to introducing people. I swear to G - I can't even remember my own name, much less friends' names when handling introductions. Seriously at Maiya's B-day party I was introducing one of my BEST friends here - got her husband's name just fine - couldn't get a syllable out when it came to her name - Seriously, one of my close friends, I mean what the heck - SO EMBARRASSING!!
I'll use the pregnancy as an excuse, but really I know there is something wrong - maybe it's a 24 hour tumor or something.