13 January 2009

Next Time Splurge on the Fruit-of-the-Looms

I ran across a couple of images a long time ago when temporary crazy infiltrated my brain and I thought for a second that I could actually sew men's pajamas. Fortunately, that idea went away, but the images I found have stayed in my files for some time and I've decided now is the time to share them.

Image The First

I imagine the thought process leading up to this gem as something like the following:

"You know, my husband needs new underwear, but darn it, those department stores are so expensive, what with their fancy elastic waistbands and cottons and such. And what if I needed to make them out of Polyester or faux fur?? Where am I then?"

Who the hell makes their own underwear? And tighty-whities no less? Olive green tighty-whities even.

Image The Second

I'm going to show this next one without explanation. Be sure and compare their "detail" box with the actual photo. Enlarge the photo by clicking on it if you need to. Take your time.

Now that we're all on the same page with the inappropriateness and such, I won't mention it further other than to use this as the preamble to a personal story.

Back when I was a young whippersnapper at BYU I lived in an apartment complex. I'm sure most apartment complexes/student congregations did something similar, but I never cared to check so I'll just stick with my own experience. In our complex we had what we called a Meet Directory, which everyone usually referred to as a "Meat Directory," what with the photos and names of every available person in the thing available for all to peruse and stalk. They usually lined us all up at the beginning of the school year and snapped our mug shots for this thing and a few weeks later the directory came out.

It must have been several weeks into the semester when I was leafing through the Meat Directory, noting those students who had failed to have their photo taken. In lieu of a photo these people had random designs in their box-that-would-be-a-photo. I was taken aback by one fellow's random design, thinking it looked awfully familiar. It finally dawned on me that the random design was my fricking shirt. As in, you could have taken this guy's design and put it directly beneath my own picture and it would have made a complete picture. And not only was it my shirt, but it was a picture of my boobular region specifically. My roommates were never so pleased to see this and one of them who knew the guy who put the directory together had him come over immediately. He apologized after I pointed out my boobs to him (the ones in the picture, not the ones on me at the time) and he explained that after taking our photos from the chest up they cut out just the heads and let the rest fall to the floor. In looking for something to put in place of this fellow's face, he looked down on the pile of cuttings, saw an interesting design, and inserted it.

It's not so much that the entire complex stared at my boobs for the rest of the school year in place of this guy's face, but the fact that Roommate's Friend didn't even realize they were boobs in the first place. *sigh* Cow lady, you have my sympathies. Except for the part where you agreed to dress up in cow pajamas and have your photo taken.

While I was searching for a higher resolution of cow lady's "detailed" photo I came across this interesting lass:


There's just something about that pose that seems just so wrong. Can't...quite...put my toe on it. Ah well, it'll come to me.

19 comments:

Bonny said...

Oh. My.

Ryann said...

I can't stop laughing! You've made my day Abby!

judiroso said...

It appears the lady in pink may be wearing a tight rope walking outfit not pajamas.

Melissa said...

Admittedly, i'm a little slow on the uptake sometimes, but I don't get the cow lady thing! Help! What is the detail of? I feel like a huge idiot, but hey, no one knows each other here, so help a cyber sister out and clue me in!

Karie said...

I'm guessing they were doing a close up on where the cow's udder would be if you decided to turn the cow pajamas into a Halloween costume? Either way, ick ick ick.

Thanks for the entry, though, Abby. I had quite the delightful giggle-fest.

Gwennifer said...

I'm seriously laughing out loud.

R Max said...

It's her boobies.

R Max said...

Btw... you are extreme funny.

R Max said...

You can't tell... but I'm laffing.

Heidi said...

Ewww! That's all I can say. And some guy ended up with your chest as his face in the directory? (That must have happened after I left, right? I know my memory's shot and all, but I seriously doubt I would forget something like that.

Jody said...

Thank you for providing such laughter to my day! I always know where I can turn when I need a wee bit more.... :)

karen said...

I am laughing so hard at work that people have come to see what I'm laughing at. You've made an entire office's day. Many thanks.

Abby said...

I am continually surprised by what goes over well on here and what doesn't. I'm glad everyone liked it so much. I love that last chick especially.

Melissa, the detail in that image is of the poor woman's crotch. You just know a dude was in charge of that one.

Heidi, you're right, you had abandoned me by then. I probably told you about it in one of my novel-length letters though. Can't imagine what else I would have talked about for so long.

Jacob and Mindy T. said...

You are SO funny! Seriously! Laughed so hard it made me cry.

Bonny said...

For me, even funnier than the anatomical region that was detailed, is the fact that having a "detail" box provides no help whatsoever to those particular pj's. There is no need to enlarge the black spots because they look exactly the same in the picture.

Stephanie B said...

Abby you keep on pulling out such great stories - What I would have given to have known you in college.

it's just lisa said...

Jason and I were just enjoying a second helping of this fine post. He thinks you are funny... I don't see it:)

Abby said...

He has better taste than you. Can't help that.

elesa said...

Hee hee heeehhehehhe