Crazy For You

I was watching a TV program the other night about a mummified dinosaur paleontologists discovered with a good deal of its internal organs still intact. They were able to get into its stomach and take samples of the dinosaur’s last meal. This dinosaur, a known herbivore, had a stomach full of plant life. The scientists on the program seemed terribly excited about this saying something to the effect of, “We were surprised to find so much vegetation in his stomach! It’s amazing!” An herbivore dinosaur eating vegetation?! Why, that’s crazy talk!!

Speaking of crazy, if you ever have the opportunity to be interviewed by a psychiatrist, do not, I repeat, DO NOT be a smart-alec. They do not have a sense of humor. In the course of applying for a job I had to take a psychological exam and then discuss my answers with their psychiatrist. I marked “yes” to the question “Do you sometimes have strange thoughts?” Well, who doesn’t have strange thoughts once in a while, right? The answer to that is apparently “everyone who isn’t crazy.” I learned this when the shrink informed me in a round-about way that that is one of their red-flag questions that tell them whether you’re nuts or not. He asked what I meant when I marked yes. I said, “Well, I was just thinking: if God was what we are now, what was the name of his country?” He just stared at me. Then he smiled and jotted some notes into my file. My very permanent file. (I should note here that when I told my oldest brother of my experience, he said I should have instead asked how much Canada weighs. Always the helpful one, he.) Is it any wonder that three years later I was sent back to the psychiatrist to make doubly sure I wasn’t crazy? Yeah. Do NOT be a smart-alec. I really can’t stress that enough, people. FYI, the second time around I was intensely serious with the second psychiatrist (nearly killed me, it did), who informed me I was as mentally sound as anyone; he wrote as much in my file and sent me on my way.

So the next time you’re pondering my mental health and wondering if I should be carefully examined, remember this: one out of two psychiatrists swear I’m not crazy!