As I was driving around town like a woman on crack trying to get ready for our impending road trip, I popped in an audiotape of "Toy Story" for Miss Peawhistle. The very first line read was, "Do you like your toys?" To which she enthusiastically responded, "Why, yes I do!" Why is my child 65?
To the three of you who have expressed intense concern over the previous post's "project" and also expressed an interest in my describing it to you henceforth and immediately: the project does not need to be described as the project is now in the works. Describing it won't be nearly as fulfilling as actually seeing it. When it's presentable I will let you know; until then, you'll just have to dream about my brilliance. For those who are concerned with my potential future within the American justice system, my counselors have agreed that the most wrath I would invoke would be a cease and desist order, which is plausibly bearable, aside from my certain torrent of tears. By the way, not invited to my scary vision: Heidi. Because she never found my crazy very funny, even when she lived with me. DON'T TRY TO DENY IT, HEIDI.
I nearly gave my four-year-old a coronary in an attempt to obtain as many McDonald's Happy Meal Star Wars bobblehead figurines as possible within a two-week framework. Would you call that irresponsible parenting? Or would you call it instilling a sense of stick-to-it-iveness and going the extra mile for your goals? The first you say? Well, too bad. My blog and I pick the second. I'm a wonderful, selfless parent! Hooray for me!
Like others, I'm fascinated by who stops by here, but more than anything which google searches led them here. (FYI, there is an uncomfortable number of people who find my blog searching for "freaky moms." I hope they haven't been too disappointed.) For your enlightenment, I will steal the idea of several other bloggers and list just a few of the google searches that have led others here.
* "the neighbors hate me" (you too??)
* "beautiful moms ugly babies" (I usually get the opposite; at least my kids are cute)
* "do i have delusions of grandeur" (If you have to ask....)
* "abby my sister the ugly" (...Excuse me? I better not know who's asking.)
* "southern food sucks" (A.MEN.)
* "does beer make you funnier" (Depends. How funny were you before?)
* "funny looking baby syndrome" (So I'm not the only one then?)
* "something you learned about parents that surprised you" (Before or after becoming one?)
* "how to talk to a cute kid in your class" (I got nothin' kid. I can't even explain how I got married.)
* "my wrist hurts finkelstein test" (NOOO! Don't do it!!)
And my absolute favorite:
* "how to frost a dora cake" (Good luck with that! Send photos!)