30 September 2008

Google Me This, Batman

As I was driving around town like a woman on crack trying to get ready for our impending road trip, I popped in an audiotape of "Toy Story" for Miss Peawhistle. The very first line read was, "Do you like your toys?" To which she enthusiastically responded, "Why, yes I do!" Why is my child 65?

To the three of you who have expressed intense concern over the previous post's "project" and also expressed an interest in my describing it to you henceforth and immediately: the project does not need to be described as the project is now in the works. Describing it won't be nearly as fulfilling as actually seeing it. When it's presentable I will let you know; until then, you'll just have to dream about my brilliance. For those who are concerned with my potential future within the American justice system, my counselors have agreed that the most wrath I would invoke would be a cease and desist order, which is plausibly bearable, aside from my certain torrent of tears. By the way, not invited to my scary vision: Heidi. Because she never found my crazy very funny, even when she lived with me. DON'T TRY TO DENY IT, HEIDI.

I nearly gave my four-year-old a coronary in an attempt to obtain as many McDonald's Happy Meal Star Wars bobblehead figurines as possible within a two-week framework. Would you call that irresponsible parenting? Or would you call it instilling a sense of stick-to-it-iveness and going the extra mile for your goals? The first you say? Well, too bad. My blog and I pick the second. I'm a wonderful, selfless parent! Hooray for me!

Like others, I'm fascinated by who stops by here, but more than anything which google searches led them here. (FYI, there is an uncomfortable number of people who find my blog searching for "freaky moms." I hope they haven't been too disappointed.) For your enlightenment, I will steal the idea of several other bloggers and list just a few of the google searches that have led others here.

* "the neighbors hate me" (you too??)
* "beautiful moms ugly babies" (I usually get the opposite; at least my kids are cute)
* "do i have delusions of grandeur" (If you have to ask....)
* "abby my sister the ugly" (...Excuse me? I better not know who's asking.)
* "southern food sucks" (A.MEN.)
* "does beer make you funnier" (Depends. How funny were you before?)
* "funny looking baby syndrome" (So I'm not the only one then?)
* "something you learned about parents that surprised you" (Before or after becoming one?)
* "how to talk to a cute kid in your class" (I got nothin' kid. I can't even explain how I got married.)
* "my wrist hurts finkelstein test" (NOOO! Don't do it!!)

And my absolute favorite:

* "how to frost a dora cake" (Good luck with that! Send photos!)

9 comments:

Heidi said...

I've been trying to figure out what part of your crazy I didn't find funny, and I've given up. It must be those times when I decided you really WERE crazy and didn't think any humor was intended on your side in the first place! (You know, complete strangers who read this are probably going to wonder how we ended up friends...)

Abby said...

All parts. Because honestly, I don't recall you ever laughing at anything I said or did the entire time we were together. And I know I came up with some crazy crap in college and I'm positive you didn't find any of that funny. On the other hand, I remember laughing at stuff YOU said or did. That's gratitude for you.

We're friends because we shared a common enemy. Oh, and we because liked each other.

Heidi said...

I'm pretty positive you laughed at stuff I said or did only because I'm frequently an idiot. Maybe you were not so idiotic so there was less to laugh at. (Besides, I seem to remember laughing a ton in college, and you're not seriously suggesting I was laughing at stuff Erin said?)

Misty D. said...

I'm super excited for the idea, myself. Very.

And your first part of the project has a due date of Friday, October 31, 2008. Please submit via email, mail, or fax.

Abby said...

It'll be snailmail because I don't have a scanner or fax machine. Boo hoo. But I have been giving my assignment considerable thought. And photoshopping? Are you ready? 'Cause I've got half a dozen ideas there already. W00t!

Abby said...

Heidi--I recall laughing at stuff Erin said. I don't think she meant to be funny though.

Stephanie B said...

Abby, when you say to Heidi about the "entire time we were together." that makes it sound like you two were life partners. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I died laughing at the "how to frost a dora cake" because you know a lot of people would type that in. Funny that it would bring them to your blog. YOU. ARE. AWESOME!

Abby said...

Yeah, I thought about that long after I posted the comment. "Hm. That kinda makes me sound gay. Oh well, maybe people won't notice." So THANKS A LOT, STEPHANIE.

If my life can serve as an example of what not to do for others, then I will have served my purpose.

LISAandSOMETIMESJ said...

I love sitemeter. only I've found that people come to my blog when searching a church history site. once they get to my blog they immediately leave...I don't blame them. In fact, I've found that MOST people look at my blog for 0 seconds, how is that even possible? If only I had your talents Abby.