Anyway, reading through everyone's comments has been marvelous. I came across one story that has completely made my day. The poster's friend had actually done this, hence the third-person references. I couldn't not share it:
"She was running late to pick up her kid from preschool and still needed to shower. She ran into her hubbies office (he works from home) and handed him the baby while she jumped into the shower.When she got out she ran in to get the baby (totally naked)and heard someone giggling. She then realized that the conference call her hubby was on was a video conference call. Oh wait, it gets better: she turned to run out of the room and ran right into the door jam and fell flat on her back. She laid there for a minute trying to decide what to do, then got on her hands and knees and crawled out into the hall. She later went and checked the camera to see what the view was, and found out they could see the whole office floor and hallway. They saw her crawling out in all her glory."
And my second-favorite:
"One time I went to a movie. When I couldn't find my keys afterward, I realized I had locked them in the car. Which was running. For two hours."
That's something I would wind up doing. Everybody's stupid sometimes--I think that's comforting and terrifying at the same time.
And a quick shout-out to my homey, Misty, who in my darkest hour sent me my favoritest cookie of all time, a giant, pink-frosted sugar cookie with sprinkles on top in the mail. I love you and the money you spent to send it. GOSH, I WISH ALL OF MY FRIENDS WOULD SEND ME GIANT, PINK-FROSTED SUGAR COOKIES WITH SPRINKLES ON TOP.