30 June 2009

Goodnight, Loud Prince....

I honestly can't believe I'm still getting visitors to this blog from people googling how to murder people and get away with it. I admit, the most recent search from an individual in England is my favorite so far though: "how to kill your girlfriend and get away scott free like no csi stuff or nothing." That's the British education system for you there, friends. Sooooo many things wrong with that search specifically, sooooo many things wrong with that person in general.

Is it bad that of the 14,351 celebrities to die within the last two weeks the one that devastated me the most was that of Billy Mays? And not just because I was in the planning process of making fun of him on my blog, either (THANKS FOR THAT). I genuinely liked seeing his huge face screaming at me through my TV. I watched a program on TV pitchmen not too long ago and they interviewed Billy. I was absolutely dumbfounded. He was...normal. He spoke in a quiet, calm voice, and he sat there like a regular person and not, you know, racing around the room at a fevered pace with the interviewer throwing one word at a time at him with every lap past him. I don't know what I expected him to sound like in reality, either, but it sure wasn't that. I guess I was imagining him at home, sitting at the dinner table with his family, screaming, "SO IT TURNS OUT THAT LUMP ON MY LEFT TESTICLE WAS JUST BENIGN THANK GOODNESS BECAUSE I WAS GETTING WORRIED. WHERE'S THE BUTTER? JOHNNY, GO GET IT FROM THE FRIDGE WILL YOU? AND WILL SOMEONE PASS THE SALT PLEASE?" Turns out he was normal all those years and we just never knew it. Surprising, really.

Anyway, I'm sad that he's gone. My New York City Slider Station and I will miss him severely. I'll also miss my opportunity to tell him personally that the damn thing doesn't work!! Stupid slider station.

And yeah, Michael Jackson's gone too, but he wasn't putting out any new music anyway. Meh.

Hey, speaking of things not working, did you know there are companies and agencies out there that actually test TV products to ensure they actually do what they claim to do? And that they can halt sale of the product and impose heavy fines if found otherwise? Whodathunk?! I just assumed buying things off TV was akin to buying magic elixers from 19th century travelling salesmen (which I do infrequently); you buy at your own risk and if you get a dud, hey, you're stupid! Not so! And did you know that these companies also guiltlessly admit to raising the shipping and processing fees to make an extra buck? I knew they did, but I didn't expect them to fess up to it. Amazing what having a lack of conscience will do for you these days.

FYI: one company tested the ShamWow absorbant cloths on the show and concluded that they do indeed do everything they claim to be able to do. So I ran out and bought some. No, I haven't tested them yet. Why would I? That's what those companies are for, remember?

12 comments:

Bonny said...

What's wrong with your New York City slider station? We have one too and it's awesome!

it's just lisa said...

What is the NYC slider station???

When I was reading that I could hear his voice in my head.

Serin said...

What??? When did he die?!

Abby said...

Isn't that sad, Serin? I truly loved that guy. He died Sunday, or rather his wife found him in bed unresponsive (dead) Sunday. I don't know when he died, but he was sure alive the night before, although he admitted he wasn't feeling well when he went to bed. The coroner said there wasn't any evidence he could find that his death was related to the US Airways accident he was a victim of on Saturday afternoon; rather he found indications of heart disease (but no mention of evidence of an acual heart attack mind you). He was scheduled for surgery on his hip today, too. Too bad. And it's sad seeing him in his commercials now.

My NYC slider station works OK for the first batch, but unlike what the ads claim, it is NOT a cinch to clean and with each batch the crap sticks in those little wells more and more until the whole thing starts smoking and sets off the fire alarm. And then you have to soak the thing for hours just to get the burned crap out of there. NOT SO EASY, BILLY.

Abby said...

Oh, and Bonny, I bought our slider station because you said you bought one, too, and you loved it. So really, this is all your fault.

Heidi said...

Oh, come on, Abby, no tearful tribute to Michael Jackson???

My reaction was essentially the same as yours, and I was a little weirded out by all the people around me moaning and getting nostalgic about a man that two months before NOBODY wanted to talk about. (Except to say "Ewww" or the charitable, "Poor freak, it must have been his childhood.")

Bonny said...

Oops. I agree that it's not the easiest to clean, but we haven't had any incidents of burned burger setting off fire alarms. Ryan's always the one doing the slider making...I'll have to ask him about that.

greta said...

man i want to buy a shamwow really bad. i may just buy one now. thanks for the heads up...

Loralee and the gang... said...

I think that Billy Mays was the biggest shock of the week... we knew Farrah was sick, and Michael, well, such a troubled life, but big, loud, Billy? We thought he'd live forever!
And my parents bought a big $30 box of ShamWows from Costco. They use them for all kinds of things and LOVE them! So try them out!
:~D

Anonymous said...

Guh, am I the only person in the world that has no idea what a NYC Slider Station is? I had visions of slip and slides adorned with photos of the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State building. Now I'll have to google it.

Abby said...

Sorry, I forgot to answer that one. NYC Sliders are mini-hamburgers, kinda like White Castle burgers. This little station they sell you has five wells that you put balls of beef into and you then smash it on top with the lid to squish them into burger-shape. The station cooks directly over a stove burner and you supposedly have perfect sliders within minutes. Supposedly.

Gwennifer said...

Ahahaha, dinner conversation in that home certainly should have been like that if it wasn't.

Sad that he ended up being normal :/