12 February 2009

What Oprah Wants, Oprah Gets

I'm not excited about this post, I will tell you right now. So you shouldn't get excited either. But I have nothing else to write about, or rather nothing I actually want to take the time to write about right now, so this is what you're getting.

So I had a dream the other night (are you peeing with excitement yet?). Allow me to tell you about it, won't you?

Brian Williams and I were partners in a cake decorating class together. We decided to go with an Air Force One theme on ours (we're nerdy!) and I went off to find a model of the aircraft so we could make one for our cake. As dream-like luck would have it, a fellow running a presidential tourist shop was operating within our classroom.

Me: Excuse me, do you have a model of Air Force One amongst your wares?
Him: A model of what?
Me: Air Force One.
Him: I don't know what that is.
Me: You're joking of course. Please be serious.
Him: No, I don't know what an air force one is.
Me: It's the most photographed aircraft in the entire world, you run a U.S. presidential nicknack shop, and you've never heard of Air Force One before??
Him: Don't get sassy with me lady, I don't know what it is!

Me: Bad news, Brian. No luck.
Brian: *Sigh* OK, well then I guess it'll have to be orcas.
Me: ...as in, killer whales?
Brian: YES, you KNOW that's what Oprah wanted, so let's get started.
Oprah: I do love those orcas!
Me: Fine. Orcas. And how are we supposed to make those?
Brian: Fondant of course. Duh.

If I recall, I woke up hating fondant even more than I did before, if that's at all possible. DAMN YOU BRIAN WILLIAMS. AND OPRAH, COME TO THINK OF IT.

Did I ever tell you that the ONE thing I told the idiot who did our wedding cake to do was to frost the cake instead of using fondant because I HATE fondant? Hey, hey, hey, guess what he used instead of frosting? And guess what pissed me off royally when I saw the wedding cake at my reception? And guess which words I was thinking of as I pinched a fake smile across my face when the Husband and I cut into our cake?


Janie said...

I hate fondant too!! its like soft wax lips, gross
it does make pretty cakes, but who cares about pretty right?
I got our wedding cake from a local grocery store - no risk of fondant there, buttercream icing basketweave style real flowers on top - I refused to have a skinny fake representing me

Oprah does get what she wants though? even in your dreams? that sucks maybe she is ruling the world with her new wave religion

Jody said...

The moment you said "Brian Williams" "I" and "cake decorating," I was already laughing!!! Have you ever had someone interpret your dreams before?

Abby said...

Yes. It's all voodoo crap to me. I think my mind is just too bored so it comes up with stuff like this. I'm glad you were amused. It was better at the time. Except for the part where Oprah was hovering over us. No pressure!

Heidi said...

Who is Brian Williams?

And if I remember right, there were more things about your wedding that had you silently cursing...like your makeup job? I seem to remember you trying to fix it at some unholy hour of the morning and grumbling the whole time.

Abby said...

I produced a photo of Brian Williams within my post just to avoid such questions. Sheesh, Heidi. FYI, Brian Williams is the anchor of the NBC Nightly News.

I never said the cake was the only thing that hacked me off. That make-up job that made me look like a five-dollar whore also angered me a mite.

greta said...

wow, my dreams are ever that cool. of all the luck... fondant does suck!

Stephanie B said...

You should start a blog solely devoted to your dreams. I'd read it.

I like fondant - flavored fondant. Then again I like cotton candy, marshmallows, frosting, & peeps. Anything that is pure sugar is OK by me! And from a cake decorating stand point (yes I do care how the cake looks) it looks much smoother and nicer - alas the guy should have listened to the client.

Jacob and Mindy T. said...

I also Hate fondant! It tastes DISGUSTING!! I am all about the frosting. Fondant just makes them look smooth but I don't care what it looks like I want it to TASTE good.

Gwennifer said...

Oprah would want something as lame as an Orca cake.

Bonny said...

I enjoyed Stephanie's comment, because the first thing I thought when I read your post was, "How can Abby and Stephanie be friends when Abby feels so strongly about fondant?" I guess it goes to show you that friendship can transcend even the deepest differences of opinion.

Abby said...

Indeed, opposites do attract, Bonny.

I appreciate that you love my dream posts, Stephanie. However, a complete blog would be silly since I only believe in posting dreams that involve famous people because most people besides Heidi know who the participants are. Otherwise you're just talking about random people folks can't identify with and it's just not fun for others to read. Unfortunately, I don't dream about celebrities often. Too bad, eh?

elesa said...

This dream is so funny. Dispite the fact that Oprah is the boss everywhere, being cake partners with Brian Williams would be really fun I think.