21 April 2010

"Hey, Donkey...."

OK, here's my conundrum. Greta and I went to the movies the other night because we're awesome like that. Also, we're awesome for collapsing into bed the second we got to our respective homes at 11 p.m. (sucks getting old). Anyway, we went to see the new Steve Carrell/Tina Fey comedy "Date Night." I'll let Greta do the official movie review since it's her shtick; suffice it to say it was funny. It wasn't the most hilarious thing I've ever seen, but it was pretty darn funny. I'd watch it again, but I wouldn't own it--that funny.

So now to the conundrum. The best part of that whole fricking movie was Mark Wahlberg. And not only just Mark Wahlberg, but a shirtless, funny Mark Wahlberg. Now, I'm not normally ga-ga over movie stars. I'm not the fangirl type, you know? I appreciate actors for how well they do their jobs, period. If they happen to be easy on the eyes (most of them are), even better. But I'm not plastering posters of Matt Damon on the wall above my bed, you know (the Husband would likely object anyway)?

Oh, but Mark Wahlberg. This man puts me in a difficult situation. This is Marky Mark we're talking about here. That lousy rapper from the 90s who by all accounts should still be in jail right now. And please note that I said "still" because he was in jail. To use the term "punk" is playing it lightly with this guy. One website got it right when they called him "the biggest douche on MTV (no small feat)." He really was a piece of work. And no number of Calvin Klein underoos ads could have ever changed my mind.

Remember that idiot? Sure, we all do.

And this is what happy thoughts and a little pixie dust turned him into:

Smokin'-hot Oscar-nominated Mark Wahlberg, that's what. Now, I've seen Scorsese's "The Departed" (for which he was nominated), which won the Oscar for Best Picture in 2007. It's a fantastic movie. Not one for the kiddies though, what with all the people getting violently whacked and such (it is about the mob after all). Again, Mark-minus-his-Funky-Bunch had the best character in that film. Not just because he stole every scene he was in as a hardcore Boston cop, but because his whole job was to verbally abuse Leonardo DiCaprio, and who here hasn't fantasized about that at least once? Don't deny it. If you have the opportunity to watch the movie edited on TV, I highly recommend it.

So the problem is, I fully admit to having a crush on an actor. He's good at what he does too, which is part of the draw. But on the other hand HE'S MARKY MARK. How can I ever forgive myself? I can hardly face myself in the mirror these days, which fully explains my hair failure situation.

Anyway, lest we all think Mark is all seriousness and can't poke fun of himself, here's a favorite SNL sketch* about him:

Followed by his response:

Honestly, how can you dislike someone like that? Congrats to him for turning his crappy, worthless life around into something awesome and...awesome. Plus, he goes to church now. So maybe that'll keep him out of prison for a while.

And hey, say hi to your mother for me.

*These SNL videos won't play in Google Reader, only on the blog. So if you want to see them, you'll have to quit being lazy and actually click on my blog link.


Heidi said...

That's just too funny...well, I'm sorry you have to be so conflicted about this former-loser-turned-into-a-hunk thing. I have no problems with it, since I still find him creepy-- although a better-looking creepy than his Marky Mark days :-)

Janie said...

I too think he's awesome. I thought he was awesome back in the day too - so I can forgive him for being a douche and forgive myself for liking him then.
My favorite performance was as Dirk Diggler though.
not a movie any self respecting lds girl would see.
well other than me...

Donny Wahlberg killed in the sixth sense. short part but shockingly well played.

Abby said...

Donnie's Sixth Sense performance was incredible, especially for being on-screen for so short a time. I also really liked him in the Band of Brothers mini-series.

greta said...

oh my oh my. he is some seriously delicious stuff to look at. i still can't believe you haven't seen 'i heart the huckabees'. geesh. you. must. watch it. :) and thanks again for our girly date. oh, and M was still putting together that bookshelf. can i call it or can i call it? :)

Abby said...


I put I Heart Huckabees on my Netflix queue the very next day, I promise. I can't wait to see it.

Kleanteeth said...

He is a nice cool, not so tall glass of hotness, I agree. He was hot before, douche I don't know about. I love nearly everything he's in and he's easy on the eyes, and I don't say that about too many white guys.

elesa said...

I love this sketch. Best of all, Harrison watched it with me just now and he thought it was so funny. A guy talking to animals is funny for all ages!

Stephanie B said...

Um, he is beautiful! Makes me want to see that movie.

Ryann said...

when I was in hs, I had the best picture of him on my bedroom wall. He was butt naked lying on his stomach wearing only a pair of socks. Best advertisement ever. I still get super happy thinking about that poster!

Bonny said...

I haven't seen this yet, but it's amazing to me that the best part of a movie with Tina Fey AND Steve Carrell could be someone else. I think those two are so hilarious--I LOVE "The Office" and "30 Rock". But it seems like everyone is loving Mark Wahlberg in this movie. I overheard a short clip of Rachael Ray interviewing Tina and Steve and Tina was joking about what a good sport Steve was during all their European interviews, during which he was constantly being asked, "So, how does the fact that Mark Wahlberg is so much better looking than you make you feel?"

Leslie Green said...

Okay, I LOVED Date Night. I confess to snorting a few times, I laughed so hard. SEX ROBOTS!!! Oh, and I saw the Dirk Diggler movie...during my pre-LDS days. I don't recommend it for any of us these days. :) And thanks for your hospitality today! It was great to see you!