08 April 2008

Motherhood's Finest Hour

I shared the following story with Stephanie yesterday evening. She asked if I was going to blog about it and I told her that no, I didn't dare, because I think I've given Child Protective Services enough public evidence as it is. However, upon further mental review, I've decided that I cannot let this incident go undocumented. So for those of you mistakenly thinking I'm some brilliant piece of work, the following true tale is for you.

In my defense, yesterday was a bit harried. After several errands and a quick potty break, I threw the kids in the car to head for the commissary before it got too late to get back and make dinner. Peanut was still sleeping in his carrier and I had a blanket covering the front so he'd be warm enough as it was a chilly day. Peawhistle was strapped in, playing with some toy.

I trucked on down the road to the base, but not before the guard at the gate looked through the back window of the van questioningly before letting me proceed. I parked in the parking lot of the commissary and hit both buttons that open PW's and Peanut's sliding doors. PW's door (on my side) opened, and Peanut's door closed. Yes, closed. I had driven five miles to the commissary with the van door open the whole way. No, I most certainly did NOT notice. I asked PW, "Peawhistle, has that door been open the entire time?" "Yes." "Why didn't you say something?!" I drove the whole way with the wind blowing through the van and me not even noticing it. And it's no wonder the guard gave my van a second look, probably wondering what the crap I was thinking. I'm relieved she didn't give it more thought at the time, because being stopped for that infraction would have been life-altering, I can tell you that.

I can't even begin to imagine how that looked to other drivers on the road. They were probably more surprised that there are still people out there who are not completely over John Mayer by now; I can't really blame them for that one as I can't believe I was listening to him again either, but there I was, van door open, blaring the self-absorbed likes of "Bigger Than My Body."

I'm very greatful Peanut's diaper bag, on the floor by the door, hadn't flown out along with the Baby Bjorn, both of which stayed safely inside the car. At least Peanut was strapped in pretty good and didn't notice a thing as he was still sleeping soundly when I got him out of the car.

So the next time you're tempted to think something you did was stupid, recall that I accomplished this minor feat in poor parenting. You're welcome.


Benteti5 said...

Wow, that was bad. What's next, gonna strap peanut onto the ski rack? Don't worry yourself to death, we all space out. What kind of van do you have anyways? You should write them. My Dad's Odyssey will not let you drive with the door open.

Stephanie B said...

Wow, that was even better than when you told me. I just keep laughing, which makes me cough more. Thanks, Abby. That was well worth it!

My brother-in-law has a similar story that is both horrifying and funny. Check it out: http://robsreport.blogspot.com/2007/03/outta-site-outta-mind.html

Ryann said...

I think that is hysterical! Woohoo for Abby! At least you buckled your kids. I can't tell you how many times that I have arrived somewhere only to see that I never strapped the kiddos in. Bravo!

Janie said...

Well Saturday the neighbors returned Maiya to us in a swim diaper and a wide-brimmed easter hat. We were cleaning out our closet and she was dressing herself in the spoils of our work. Then I guess she decided to strut her stuff down the street. I don't know what would have happened if they hadn't been out doing yardwork. I am still scared that they are going to call CPS on us. So this weekend project will be a higher lock on the door.

Abby said...

Oh, have no fear, Ryann, I've done that, too. Fortunately, PW is paranoid about seatbelts and if I've forgotten to belt her in she'll start screaming hysterically that she needs a seatbelt on. But hell, the door wide open? Naw, she's totally cool with that.

Yeah, I would think that safety alone would prevent the car from going with the door open, but apparently not. I'll have to investigate that. It's a Grand Caravan.

And Janie, I'm convinced now that at least every family has at least one kid that makes a break for it on a constant basis, so have no fear. My brother was the runner in our family, getting picked up by the cops starting when he was but a toddler himself. And now his son is the runner. They had to get a home security system just to keep the kid in, never mind keep strangers out.

And Steph and I both have those handle thingies on our front doors to keep our tots indoors. Why are they always wanting to leave such good homes?